【ENG SUB】Consort Meng Arrives EP26 | Jin Chen / Jiro Wang / Liu Guanlin / Xia Yiyao | YOUKU
Oh My Cute Consort Halt. What’s in the carriage? It’s me. Oh, Miss Su! Where are you headed? The empress dowager gave me orders to run an errand for her outside the palace. I’m the only one in the carriage. Is an inspection still necessary? No, no. Please go ahead. Why didn’t you conduct an inspection? You’re such an idiot. Everybody knows Su Ruan is the empress dowager’s favored maid. She is also reputedly involved in a mysterious sex scandal with the emperor. She’s not to be trifled with. What if she becomes a concubine one day? I see. You’re so darn stupid. [Wulin Leader]
[Episode 26] There are so many people! It’s so much fun outside! All right, your mission is accomplished. I know you’ll keep your lips sealed. You won’t tell anyone I took you out, right? If it doesn’t come up, I won’t tell. Head on back. Sister, let’s go. Let’s go over there! Brother, look. I want that. Buy one for me. Okay, I’ll buy one for you later. I like pink. Look, there are ducks there! And chickens! Please. Spare me some money. Brother, there are beggars everywhere. Are you going to help everybody? We came out here to play not to do charity. But he looks so pitiful. His hair has split ends. What are you doing? I’ll scream if you don’t let go. Scream your throat out. It might work but you’ll lose your once in a lifetime chance to stand at the top and make waves in the martial arts circles. What do you mean? I was born with an all-seeing mind. I can tell! If so, then how come you’ve fallen to this state? How can this be considered fallen? This is God’s test for me. An immortal need to get lightning strike before entering heaven. Sun Wukong had to protect Xuanzang in his journey to the West and suffer through 81 calamities. Even King of Yue Dynasty, Gou Jian, had to suffer patiently in his quest for revenge. Do you think “fallen” is still an accurate description for me? He does have a point. Sorry. I shouldn’t have hurt your ego and humiliated you. This form of humiliation is welcome. A hurt ego is also a type of test. What did you mean by stand at the top and make waves in the martial arts circles? Didn’t anybody ever tell you? Tell me what? Diamond in the rough. I’ve felt your bones and looked at your veins. I noticed you are a physical prodigy! You’re built like no other! In all my years roaming the world I’ve never met another youngling as remarkable as you! The coming wulin convention that happens once every three years must have you in attendance! Stop it already. She doesn’t know kungfu. That isn’t important at all! What’s important is your physical endowment. I am just going to give you a little push to stand on stage of the wulin competition! You’ll be amazing! So there’s a reason I’ve always been so energetic! It’s because I’m not like the average person and have a strong body! That means I was born to be a warrior! Yes! Do you often dream about having your name heard all over the world? Yes, yes! Your chance is here! I’ll lead you there. Let’s set out right away! But we haven’t packed yet. There’s no need. Board and lodging are all included! You won’t have to pay for a thing! Don’t be impulsive. Let’s go home and think about it. Boss why are we trying to deceive that little girl? We take the money and do the job. Our task is to kidnap them. Have you found them? Yes, Your Majesty. They were having a lot of fun outside the palace. Security is so tight. How did they get out? Did they leave any word? They wouldn’t say anything. All right, you may go. Yes. Your Majesty there’s something I wanna say. Even if I shouldn’t, I still must say it. Chang Zhi and Jiu An often went to Fang Hua Palace. They must be influenced by Consort Meng, so they always wanna sneak out of the palace. Even though they didn’t say who led them outside the palace but Consort Meng must be part of this. Don’t make unsubstantiated claims. Your Majesty, think about it. Who else in the palace has as many crafty ideas as Consort Meng? Therefore Consort Meng must be the one who incite them on this! Enough. Return to the empress dowager and get some rest. I will handle this one my own. Yes. Come in. Go on. Quickly. Don’t dawdle. Here. Ladies. How could you tie them up? That’s cruel! Why are you bullying little kids? Bao Qu, do you want to lose your job? They’re the prince and princess. Release them. I can’t. They’ll run. They’re like wild horses even kicking us in anger. It’s lucky I found them last night or they might’ve been in Maoer Mountain by now. Stop struggling. I tied a black bear knot. Even a black bear can’t get loose, much less you. You’re the bear! Big Bad Bear, I dare you to say it again! Release me! Let me go! Let you go? It doesn’t matter how many times you say it. Don’t worry though, Ladies. I am here under His Majesty’s orders. You must be careful though. These two will bite. My subordinate, Xiao Mu is brawny with thick skin but these two bit his butt cheeks raw! Little babies, remember. Don’t bite other people’s butts again. That’s so dirty. Okay. We’ll bite somewhere else next time! See? They’re so obedient. How so? His Majesty said these two rebellious kids can’t be disciplined by ordinary means. Right? They rather like Fang Hua Palace. So, Fang Hua Palace will see to their discipline. How can we? Exactly. We don’t have experience looking after kids. That’s all right. If they’re disobedient Concubine Qu can coax them. If they’re still disobedient Consort Meng can speak some reason to them. If they’re still disobedient then Noble Lady Xiao can physically subdue them! Spare the rod and spoil the child. Why don’t you hit them yourself? Why should I be the one to do something so dangerous? I… I have formal business to attend to. I need to catch assassins. How are there any assassins? The palace is so peaceful! Catching assassins doesn’t happen often. Defense is our constant job. Catching assassins is like fighting a flood. You must never let down your guard. I don’t have free time. If I did I wouldn’t let you have this rewarding task! What if none of those tricks work? If nothing works then you’ll have to trouble Consort Yan to bring out your punishment devices. You will get guinea pigs for your new inventions. Those two. To manage two kids? Is such cruelty necessary? They’re not two children. They’re two devils! How can you say that? All right, by His Majesty’s orders I’ve delivered them here. I’ll take my leave now. I am a firework of a different color an attentive, handsome, smart cool man with a wide range of hobbies. Those were my suggestions. Thank you, Ladies! I wish you all well! I am grateful inside of my heart. Go, go, go! Here. Let’s untie you. Let’s go eat something. It’s so tight. This bear knot is really something. Look at how hungry they are. If you two wanted to go out of the palace you could have told His Majesty. You could bring more men with you. No, we can’t bring more men or we’ll break the rules. What rules? Who made the rules? Tell me. You two didn’t pack anything or bring any money. What if you wanted to buy something? Stop interrupting. No. food, lodging, and all expenses were covered. Who? Who covered it? Take your time eating. We’ll be back soon. They keep wanting to leave the palace. Have they been possessed? No. They have clear logic and speak coherently. And from what they said they weren’t just going out to play. There must be another reason. Their mouths are shut tight as clamshells. If they don’t want to tell we wouldn’t be able to beat it out of them. We certainly can’t take the hard approach! We need to take a soft approach make them drop their guard and tell us on their own. Young prince and princess take your time eating. You may go. Should we tell them the truth? No! We don’t know if they’re friend or foe yet. If they leak my secret then the entire palace will be even more closely-guarded! We’ll never be able to go to the wulin convention! But you don’t know kungfu. Did you forget what that person said three days ago? He said my bones are special and I got talent. I don’t need to fight. Just with my physical assets I’ll be number one when I stand on stage. I’m going to be a wulin leader. They need me. How can I give up such a great opportunity? But, Jiu An… No but. But we haven’t done the homework that the teacher assigned us. Once we go we won’t be back for two weeks at least. If we don’t have homework to turn in we might be punished again. How dumb can you be? It’s just an essay. Once we go out there are plenty of adventures waiting for us. We’ll have plenty of writing material. When you get back you’ll definitely be inspired. Even an A+ grade will be considered low marks. You’re right. Wait. What do you mean, when I get back? Aren’t you coming back? Do you think a wulin leader would need to come back to write essays and be punished? This stuff doesn’t matter to me. I’m on a long journey. To the sea and stars? No. Martial arts world. Where’s Yan? She went to roast chicken. Want some? We can add it to the order. Can I have one? Business first. Look at how greasy your lips are. If you ever leave the palace you won’t be able to eat the delicacies in the palace again. I’m sick of eating these delicacies. I want to go out and eat wild game. Kids I can relate to what you’re thinking. Once upon a time I also thought the world outside is so wonderful. It’s the next line that matters. The world outside is so hopeless. So you two can also experience this hopelessness we’ve decided to let you experience it for yourselves. Take off their shoes. Here! Here we come! Shoes off! Come! Here. Here! Scared? Fess up! So? Scared yet? Scared? Talk! I’m so touched. We were so naughty but you haven’t shunned or blamed us like others did. Instead, you gave us food and want to wash our feet. Wash your feet? Come on! Come on! Here. Here. Here we come! Come in. What a rare visitor. I’m just here to talk. Why did you take off your clothes? I’m dressed. I said to meet here tonight to teach you how to pick flowers. You come and you learn. You’re right on time. I wasn’t going to come. It’s because you had Chang Zhi and Jiu An sent to Fang Hua Palace. We’ve all been waiting on them the whole day. Did you do that on purpose? That’s wrong of you to say. Even if we’ve broken up I’m not the type of man to kick you while you’re down. That’s nice to hear but who knows if that’s true? Is it hot in here? What do you think? Aren’t you hot? You can trip even for no reason. It’s fitting to call you clumsy. You’re so dumb. How could I bear to give you a hard time? I only came to say we can’t do anything about Chang Zhi and Jiu An. You can’t or don’t want to? Everybody is saying you encouraged them to go out. I’m putting you in charge of them to prove your innocence and stick it to those rumormongers. Understand? All right, I get it. What do you get? You’re leaving just like that? If it’s really as you say that old beggar is truly a bad man. Exactly. He’s definitely a bad man. No matter what you can’t go to the wulin convention. Why not? Are you afraid that with my marvelous body I’ll forget you guys after becoming a wulin leader? You’re the marvel. What did you say? Nothing. I mean wulin conventions are really boring. We know all about what goes on. Right? Yes, yes. Stop all the fussing! We have to trek over Maoer Mountain transcend Paozi Ravine pass through Shuilian Cave and cross Xiliang River. If we keep delaying we won’t make it to the convention in time! That’s a hard journey as difficult as ascending to heaven. Maoer Mountain is even worse in comparison. You must go by foot. Of course you could also climb it by hand and foot. Paozi Ravine is even harder. It’s covered with thick jungles with thorny undergrowth with no reception. A cry for aid there goes unheard. There are countless dead spirits there. They’re just waiting for lost wanderers to stay and make friends with them. Don’t scare me. Do not speak of the supernatural, feats of strength, disorder, and spiritual beings. Then we’ll speak about something else. If you’re lucky enough to make it past Maoer Mountain and Paozi Ravine you’ll reach Shuilian Cave. It’s populated by numerous monkeys. Did you know in recent years, people have developed a liking for wild game especially wild monkey brains? So monkeys have become aggressive towards humans. If anybody comes near them they’re in for a surprise. Your brains combined won’t be enough for a mouthful for the monkey king. Then there’s Xiliang River the last stop. Once you cross it you’ll reach the venue where the wulin convention is held. This is where most people let down their guard and go swimming or skinny-dipping. But actually this river contains an obstacle. An obstacle? The obstacle… The obstacle is that the river water is poisonous. That’s nothing to be afraid of. We’ll be on a boat. We won’t drink it. Do you think that keeps you safe? When the midday sun shines upon it and the river water evaporates the river will emit poison gas. Everybody who comes will fall. There are countless souls who have fallen there. However there’s also one benefit. There’s a benefit? Multiple-choice questions have existed since time immemorial. For example if Chang Zhi and Jiu An both fell into the river who would you save? Here’s the answer. Save neither. Because once they fall in they’ll be dead. This settles the difficulty of making a choice. Put your brains to use and think long and hard. That sounds kind of reasonable. In that case, show us. Kids good afternoon! Who are you calling kids? It’s mostly for the kids. Everybody else can watch for free. Why are you complaining? No complaints or you’re out. Kids, are you ready? Yes! Very well. Welcome to the wulin leader election that happens once every three years. This program is broadcasted exclusively by Fang Hua Palace. Special thanks to the imperial head chef, Cai Taixian for providing a cucumber! Also thanks to imperial physician, Liu Jinyan for providing medicinal ointment! And thanks to the amazing scribe, He Qiliao for providing undecipherable scribbles! Undecipherable scribbles? It says “spirit of chivalry”. Be quiet. Those who disrupt our schedule can be kicked out. Next up, I declare the wulin convention is now– Wait! Hostess why didn’t you thank me? I put up the stage for you. I don’t even get any thanks? To appease our VIP guests our word of acknowledgment to you will be omitted for now. Fine, fine. This doesn’t sit well with me. Gratitude is in our hearts. We will remember it. Now I announce the convention has begun! First of all, let’s invite our first round of contestants the White-Browed Warrioress, Noble Lady Xiao! And her opponent, the White Fairy, Wang Chunping! How come it’s the White Fairy? Isn’t it the Red Fairy? Obviously a knock-off. Watch quietly. No more questions. No. No. Don’t massage there. Haven’t you done this before? Massage the back. Don’t touch me. How come her brows are white at such a young age? Looks like facial paralysis! Martial artists use up a lot of testosterone causing brows to turn white and premature organ failure. And martial artists all have extraordinary bodies. We only care about their kungfu, not their appearance. Go, go, go! Go, go, go! All right! White-Browed Warrioress! Out! The winner is White Fairy! Good fight. Excellent. Out means they’ve lost. Congratulations. Silence, silence. The Northern Praying Mantis style diverts attacks and emphasizes defense while the Monkey Fist style emphasizes offense and makes good use of jumping and leaping so the Northern Praying Mantis is hindered at every turn. It undoubtedly loses. They’re just showing their styles and not actually fighting? Fighting techniques are merely moves to overcome over moves. The contests at wulin conventions don’t use actual attacks. Merely explaining will do. Two people take the stage and one, two, three they each show off their own techniques. Then the victor is decided. Really? Of course. It’s just like rock paper scissors. The winner is decided in an instant. That is wulin. I don’t know much. You better not be lying to me. Okay, next up we have the Daring Man versus the Elegant Lady! Isn’t that the same No-Brow Warrior from before? Don’t think we can’t tell just because you’re wearing a mask! We have limited funds. We can’t afford so many actors. Just bear with it. She’s acting as the Daring Man this time. Snake Boxing. Did you all see? Even the nimble Snake Boxing is no match for the swift and deadly Eagle Claw! I now declare the winner is Daring Man! Congratulations. I object! I object! I object! Sustained. We now break for commercial. Consort Yan, you’re in charge. Come with me. Cai! Split a rock slab on your chest! Now! What is it? What do you two have to say? I don’t believe that’s how a wulin convention is. The warriors and warrioresses depicted in novels are highly skilled and fight when they see each other. They can’t just show off their moves and be able to decide the winner. How can a wulin convention be so harmonious? Do you think we’re too young to watch scenes of violence so you deliberately left it out of the program? There is something that was left out. There really is more to a wulin convention. We want to see it! All right, then. Let’s show it to you. Come on. According to comments by our VIP spectators the program should accurately portray the reality of a wulin convention and shouldn’t hold anything back. Now I’ll announce another round! We have Solitary Knight, Fu Xi and Lonely Warrioress, Li Yan’er. I am Lonely Warrioress. It’s real this time. How come they ended up stuck together? Not suitable for children! As shown on stage a wulin convention is a big speed dating gathering in disguise. Warriors in Jianghu are too busy and don’t have time to consider a mate for life. Those who want a match can also find a partner. I don’t know much. You better not be lying to me. Why would I lie to you? They’ll go home as soon as they find a partner. All right! Thank you for your spectacular performance! Step off the stage now. Wasn’t that a wonderful show? Now I’ll interview our audience members at random about their opinion on our contest! Mister Cai Taixian! Hello, Mister Cai. Well let me say a few words. Today’s wulin convention was so realistic! I’ve never participated but before I entered the palace the organizers had invited me to cook for the event. The event back then was just like today’s! Is that it? Very good. Please take a seat. Physician Liu, you seem to have something to say. Come on up. Yes, yes. I have something to say. Yes, I do. So… I haven’t participated before but a wulin conference many years ago had invited me to provide medical assistance. It was so boring. There weren’t any injuries at all! Not even someone with a stiff neck from sleeping. All right, interview over! Anything else our VIP guests would like to say? This is so boring. I’m not going anymore. That’s right. Good kids. I now announce the wulin convention is officially over! Time to go! Don’t go anywhere. Bao, don’t go yet. Take down the stage and clean up. All right! Let’s go. Gee. Slowly. Up here. This takes too much effort. Your uncle sent me to catch you guys. This isn’t my fault. Not far enough. Don’t hold me. Watch your step. Concubine Qu! Be careful. What’s going on? Why are they tied up again? Didn’t you say you weren’t going to the wulin convention? Who knew? They were caught outside the palace. They were about to run off with an old beggar. It seems they haven’t been rid of their obsession with venturing outside the palace. All right. Leave them to me. You can go. They’re yours. I’m off to interrogate the old beggar and see if he has harmful intentions toward the royal family. Be good now. Let’s go. Untie me. Call me Fairy Maiden. Fairy Maiden. Come! Fairy Maiden, untie me. Okay. I have magic. Spill it. Explain yourselves. We spoil you two so much. Just be honest with us. Don’t stall for time. Jiu An said the old beggar lured us with false information. We had to teach them a lesson so we left the palace again. How come you left with him? Weren’t you afraid they would abduct and sell you off? The beggar said Chang Zhi is smart. The Brain competition is beginning soon. He is bound to win. Chang Zhi really wants to play in the competition so we want to go. Swindlers are so quick-witted nowadays. They know these two each have their academic and physical strengths. They modify their bait to fit each of them. I know about this competition. But I don’t think you’re smart enough. Journeying through such hardships just to be humiliated isn’t worth the trouble. Don’t look down on me. I receive the best marks. If I join the competition I’ll be the next star. All right. Since you don’t believe me then I’ll pose questions for you. If you can answer them I’ll personally escort you out of the palace. Deal! Okay, listen carefully. A long-haired warrior didn’t bring any rain gear on an outing on a rainy day. He is completely soaked but his hair remains dry. Why? Because his hair mask is waterproof. Because his kungfu skills are incredible! Wrong! Because his name is Long-Haired! His head is bald! Next question. Okay, listen carefully. A white-colored horse is called a white horse. A black-colored horse is called a black horse. A black-and-white-colored horse is called a zebra. So then what is a horse of black, white, and red coloring called? That’s a foul question! We weren’t taught much about different horse breeds. Wrong! It’s a blushing zebra. Next! Listen carefully. A large, black marble will be submerged into the Xiliang River on September 7th. What will happen? The marble turns white. A water monster appears! Wrong! It’ll sink! Next! Listen carefully. A family buys four chickens on the first day and buys another four the next day. So then how many chickens does the family have on the third day? Wait! Let us discuss this. How many chickens? How many chickens? It should be 12. According to the pattern, they’ll buy another four chickens on the third day. We’ll lose if we follow the pattern. Then 8. She must want to test us. Did you listen carefully? She only said they bought four the second day. She didn’t say it was chickens. So, the answer is four. They’re so sneaky. It must not be counted like that. Maybe the chickens were eaten or are dead. In that case I know the answer. Let’s go. Okay, please answer. The answer is either two or zero. If one or two chickens were eaten the first day then none would be bought on the second day because there are enough to eat for the next day. If three are eaten on the second day, then one will be left. They’ll only be bought if there aren’t enough to eat. In that case, three a day means six in two days. There will be two left. If four are eaten in a day, then zero remain. So, the answer is either zero or two. Okay! Is that your final answer? Yes. My gosh. Isn’t your little brain tired from thinking so much? Wrong. The answer is eight. Four plus four is so simple and you can’t even do it. You still dare to say you’re smart? It’s that simple? It’s that simple. So doesn’t that mean you’re dumb? That’s because we were making it too complicated. All right, admit you lose. 100 percent wrong. It’s clear you need to go back and study more. I won’t complicate things this time. Let’s do it again! All right. Final question. If you can’t figure it out then there’s no helping you. Listen carefully. A rich man told his two sons “Go up the mountain and chop wood.” “See who chops the fastest and the most wood.” The next morning the eldest son set out to chop wood. The younger son stayed at home to hone his knives to a sharp edge before setting out. So then who does the rich man leave his wealth to? Sharpening the knife doesn’t delay wood-chopping. The youngest son must have chopped the most wood so the inheritance was given to the youngest son. It must be right this time! Wrong! Impossible! The rich man saw the results and told his sons “I should leave my wealth to the eldest son.” “My second son is so competent anyway.” Chang Zhi, out! Admit defeat? Do you still want to go to the competition? No. I’m not smart enough. A promising young man you are. Go back and study more. When you can answer our questions you can go to the competition. Don’t humiliate yourself out there. Got it? Got it. Your Majesty I really didn’t have bad intentions. I’ve investigated thoroughly. Not only did you frame Bu Meng you had no regard for the children’s safety! What if they were abducted? How could you sleep at night? Your Majesty I know I did wrong. I’ll apologize to Consort Meng right now. Please don’t kick me out. The empress… She already knows what you’ve done. You won’t have her protection. Leave the palace. Your Majesty! Miss Su. His Majesty says you should stop working. I say… You’re not sad, are you? I understand. When such an exquisite beauty is kicked out of the palace any man would feel sorry for the loss. I don’t. I’ve already said I don’t have any feelings for her. What’s that for? What does that mean? It means what you think it means. The woman you hate is out of the palace. Don’t you want to say anything to me? Oh right! Soup is simmering in the kitchen! It’ll be ruined if I don’t check on it! You can’t even find a good excuse. Are you someone who cooks soup? Ha! It’ll dry up? Chinese TV Series Exclusive YouTube